Leaving and Staying

As you pack up your belongings, I can only sit and watch. What have our relationship grown into? Unsaid words and unfulfilled promises lie between us, making our gap grow wider every day. Then comes the tide when we finally face our problems and say goodbye. So goodbye it is.

"Don't go. I'll be good, I promise."
"I'm sorry. I know you're hurt, but I have to leave."
"What have I done? I'll change, just don't leave."
"Goodbye darling. Goodbye."
A kiss on the forehead… An image of a man leaving…
The gait, the shoulders, they look so familiar…
The man turns around to wave goodbye…
And I wake up with my heart beating loudly…

"Sorry girl, I love you, but I just can't be with you anymore."

"Why? I came all the way to see you."

"It's not that. It's just, we're done, and that’s all."

Dropping to her knees, she cried until her heart broke…

And I wake up with a pain in my chest…

I thought everything would be ok once I got back to school. Turns out, I stopped feeling the pain during my waking moments, only to have them pestering me while I am asleep. Dreams like these never stop. They will be gone one day and back the next. I never knew when I would dream and see your face again, only to wake up with a heartache burning. As I stare up into space, happy images of us floated before me.

That golden box stored your letters from before. I tried not to open them now since I’ve become busier, but old habits are hard to cure. The cute little parcel I got last year sits beside the box, waiting to be delivered, and I know it will gather dust because I will never have the courage to give it to you. I tried to hate you, to know that hating you is better and easier for me to let go, but I can’t.

When my mind is relax and empty, thoughts of you crept back and enter my dreams. Somehow, telling you about how I feel is not an option now because you think I am immature to hold on tightly to an empty space. I tried to be strong and cold and mature as you’d like me to be, but perhaps you were right. I lack the courage to let go. You left, and I stayed, as I once did.