Futile dreams

"I'm so glad to see you. I don't want to let go now…"

That's the dream I've been having for the past few days. You were there, holding my hand, smiling at me in that unique way of yours, and telling me you will never go away again.

Then I'm awake with my palms sweating and heart beating.

Somehow in my dreams, I knew you were lying, and that you will still leave eventually.

It's weird when you leave. It's like I left a piece of myself with you, and I can't seem to get that back now. To be honest, I hated feeling vulnerable and weak. I hated crying every time I think of you. I hated knowing that you have that much influence over me. I hated for being a fool once again.

My days are still pretty much the same as usual. Going to class, maintaining my position, holding meetings and discussions, hanging out with college friends, dining with buddies, making fun with my roommates bla bla bla… what else could I ask for? I have to admit though, I miss you deep down inside me.

It's in the middle of spring now, and there are lots of rainy days. Nearly everyday is a rainy day, but the weather is not so cold as it used to be last winter, so I guess there's not much for me to complain. After spring will come summer, and then, daddy plans to come over and visit, so that's one little hope for me. Growing up made me realize that life is nothing but living on hopes. If you never have hopes, then you might as well be dead. Lucky enough for me, I have more than enough hopes to keep me going.

So, back to the dream. I don't know what it is that made me dream of you every night, but soon, it'll all be gone, and we'll be in separate ways. Sad, but true. I have to let you go, to let myself fly high. The same rule applies to you, and that's why you let me go first.

A backpacking trip sounds like the perfect thing to plan now. I've been thinking about it ever since my freshman year, so why not plan for it now. After all, plans like these never goes out of date. Vietnam, Myanmar, and Thailand, here I come.