Nostalgic

I miss you, I miss your smile,
I miss how the light comes shinning through your smile,
I miss your voice comforting me through the night,
I miss you...

This is the beginning of the fourth week here,
and I am starting to miss my life back home.
The pain is gone, as all things will be with time,
but left in here is something of a vast emptiness.
I had grown to know you so well in such a short amount of time,
and I wanted so badly when times were hard for you to be with me again.
You would have known what to do when the winds were against you.
You would have told me to smile and face my fears,
because they will be gone soon if I stand up and fight them.
I have learnt your lessons by heart,
but I doubt if I had learned them well,
because I am still weak in my soul.

There are a lot of things to be done everyday,
and I find myself longing of weekends whenever it is Monday.
Now, I find myself wishing it is a school day again,
so I can fill up my schedule with things-to-do instead of emptiness.
I watched the sky outside the window turn from clear blue to cold gray,
and I knew somehow that this year's winter will be hard.
How is it when I have a dreaded feeling about this semester?
How is it when I have insomnia over the responsibilities I have to bear?
I pray again and again for tomorrow to rid me of my burdens.
Somehow, I never think my prayers will be answered,
because I never prayed hard enough,
and because I never really wanted to let go.

You are there, in those dreams I never told you about,
but you are definitely there, laughing with me.
Missing you is like having a constant heartache,
but I still remind myself that having someone to miss is better than none at all.
In a way, missing you became part of our romance,
and I knew somehow that I am in your dreams too,
because you care a lot more for me than you ever said.
One day, I will come home soon,
and we can sit under the moon and count the stars again.

Flipping through the pages of that little brown notebook,
I suddenly saw a page filled with OUR memories.
You were there with me through the very first pages,
and then somehow you faded out slowly.
I searched through your pictures,
hoping to come across something that will make me smile again,
and it did, but with a pang of pain as well.
What happened back there? I am still searching for the answers.
Why did we ever drifted apart, when we were once so close?
I kept asking and asking, until you thought I had given up the search,
but I never really left because I remembered my promise,
that I will never abandon you through thick or thin.
I am hesitant because I am not sure of your reaction.
I want to protect myself from the pain,but I still crave for your attention,
and I hated myself for putting you in a position of power.
If you had the chance to learn, will you tell me someday of the truth?
Have you ever missed me the way I miss you?

Singing that song bonded us and we became friends.
Ironically, that song became our last parting song too.
"I'd go back to December, turn around, and make it all right"
"I'd go back to December, turn around, and change my own mind"
"I go back to December all the time..."
That memory wavered like a ghost whenever I am alone,
holding me captive, a prisoner in my own thoughts.
I would have given anything to go back to December again.
I just never know if you would have done the same for me as well.
Maybe someday, when I am old, I can look back with a smile.